18 rock songs you will never see on the X-Factor or American Idol

This weekend is “Rock” weekend on the x factor…

Cracks me up every time, but jokes aside, that means that a bunch of poncy pop wannabes will be destroying some classics – and in some cases trying to pass off some lame pop anthem with a hint of a guitar through it, as a rock tune.

To the rock fans across the pond, The X-Factor is the same as your American Idol, only shittier. At least some of your guys are moderately talented, and you get a bigger share of hot chicks.

I found myself watching it last night for the laugh, and I’m pleased to report that not too much damage was done. There was one girl that sang “sweet child of mine”, and an interesting rendition of Queen by two identical weasels, but nothing that’s never been destroyed a million times before.

Funniest thing was a Zac Efron lookalike doing Katy Perry’s “I kissed a girl and I like it”….

You don’t say?

Even if I ignore for a moment that Katy Perry is as Rock’n'Roll as Snoopy is a Pit Bull Terrier, the only thing that makes that song interesting is that a girl kisses another girl. Take that out of the equation and you’ve got the lamest bit of TV ever seen.

But nothing was as interesting as watching Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh quarrel over who has the most knowledge/experience in rock music….

The guy responsible for the ‘Telitubbies’ and ‘Power Rangers’ soundtracks and the man that made his fortune from putting baby faced teenage heartthrobs in tail-coats and singing 60′s ballads, arguing about who is the biggest rocker.

The fact that the judges think this guy is a rocker says it all…

Message to Simon Cowell: Real Rockers and Real Musicians don’t go on the X Factor, or American Idol.

The guest on tonight’s programme is Bon Jovi, so logically the contestants will be destroying his songs. But that’s OK, with respect to Bon Jovi, his stuff is a bit too mainstream and girlie for real rockers to care much.

Sorry girls, but it is!

My mission: to put together a spotify playlist of REAL ROCKERS. A list of 18 tracks so removed from the commercial mainstream that the X Factor and American Idol will hopefully never touch.

It wasn’t an easy task. I sampled many great grunge albums to narrow this list to 18 tracks. Through the night and to backing vocals from the missus screaming to “turn that horrible noise down”.  But here its is…

If you have Spotify, you can get the playlist here. If you don’t have Spotify yet, you really should You can get it here (Unfortunately, Spotify is not available outside Europe yet).

The 18 tracks I hope the X Factor and American Idol will never touch.

1. Mayonnaise   –  The Smashing Pumpkins
2. Fell on black days  -  Soundgarden
3. Would?  - Alice in Chains
4. No end in sight  - Mudhoney
5. Smells like Teen Spirit  - Nirvana
6. Bullet with butterfly wings – The Smashing Pumpkins
7. Alive – Pearl Jam
8. Come as You are – Nirvana
9. Black Hole Sun – Soundgarden
10. No excuses  - Alice in chains
11. Like a Stone  - Audioslave
12. Do the Evolution  - Pearl Jam
13. Plush  - Stone Temple Pilots
14. Nutshell  - Alice in Chains
15. Tonight Tonight  - The Smashing Pumpkins
16. Hunger Strike  - Temple of the Dog
17. Black  - Pearl Jam
18. Where did you sleep last night  -  Nirvana (MTV unplugged)

The more educated rockers will notice a Grunge flavour to this list.  Best musical era – ever. Unrepeatable.

There are a lot of really great songs that didn’t make it into the list, but I had to keep it to a reasonable length and wanted to give some of the bands on it a mention. Some of the tracks are also there for what they symbolise. I can think of many better Nirvana songs than ‘Smells like Teen Spirit’, but how could I have a Grunge list without the anthem that swept across the world announcing the breakthrough of all this great music.

You might be thinking that this is a very arbitrary selection, based on the authors personal taste, and you’d be spot on. This is my list and my blog. If you don’t like it, you can piss off  and make your own.

And once you’re done please share it in the comments